Ennui

Ugh, sometimes I really hate hormones.  After over three years of regulated hormonal levels, I'd forgotten what a roller coaster "the cycle" could be.  Let's face it: I'm not the most steady person with regulation, much less hormonally free-styling.  So I've been up, down, hot, cold, and everything in between, for the last four weeks.  And now it's officially PMS week, and I can feel it.  I've picked a fight with James, nearly wrecked the car, and caught myself in self-destructive thinking more times than I can count in the last few days.  The only consolation is that I'm a teensy bit more self-aware of the impact hormones play on my emotions than I was four years ago.  Back then, if I was feeling moody, I would just lash out without thinking about whether the instigator was really worthy of my energy or if the hormones were making me blow an innocuous situation out of proportion.  Drove James crazy.  Over the last few days, I've felt crummy and have lashed out a few times, but was usually able to catch myself at least understanding the cause-and-effect nature of hormones vs. Kristina (vs. the world).

Perhaps "ennui" is the wrong term, but it sounds so fancy, as if using a French term makes it classier to be moody.  Perhaps I should stick to good ol' American "despondence" or "melancholic." 

Do you know why they call it PMS?  Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

Oh, and in case you're putting 2 and 2 together (you clever mathematician!) we're not trying to get pregnant just yet, so put back that layette set, pack up the booties.  All in good time, all in good time...